i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
