no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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