She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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