Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm both gender and math confused
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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