I think i peed on brittanys purse
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
