I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize