She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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