We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
