Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
