dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
