He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Found your dick twin last night
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
