maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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