I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
