You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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