It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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