Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am one with the molecules
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
