you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
