i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
