what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize