Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
