The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
