god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
