just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
