I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize