I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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