I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
