You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
