You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
