A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ugly people sure do ruin things
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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