i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't turn off my feet"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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