There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
