Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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