...so i touched it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
