You took a bar mat shot.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
