I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize