Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize