Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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