We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize
