I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
