my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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