I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
