So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
