The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
