I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
