Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
