I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize