All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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