i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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