Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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