White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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