I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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