Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need moral support for this bender
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
