I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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