the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
