Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
