She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
