This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
