Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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