ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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