david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
