I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
ok first of all what the fuck
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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