Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
