He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
