So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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