Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
