this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
