i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
