i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
