So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
