After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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