Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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