dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
