i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize