Your face is a jimmy john
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
