Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
